I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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