My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i barfeds in our rink
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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