Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
