but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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