Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
