The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize