I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
why is half of my head shaved?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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