Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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