I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
