Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
