my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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