she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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