I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
