I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
