and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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