i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
