If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's blow job season.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
PANTIES FOUND
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