In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
