Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
