Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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