I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
