I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
