No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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