Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
