make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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