She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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