I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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