He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
