i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sober January is a disaster.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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