last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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