I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize