oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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