u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
