Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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