hell yes lets make some ravioli
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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