i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
