I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
