I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
