Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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