EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize