Buhtt sex?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
