We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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