Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
