so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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