oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
