the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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