I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
