just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
