I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
