wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
