i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
