i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
