happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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