FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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