I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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