Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
