Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
