I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
