the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
