My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
