My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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