What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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