remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
