I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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