surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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