i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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