Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
