the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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