I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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