i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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