$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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